The Unseen

Reading is my passion or at least one of them. So when the opportunity to review new books presented itself, I jumped at the idea. The deal is simple...the publisher sends me a book, I read it and write an honest assessment of what I think. I get a free book and the publisher gets a review.  Some books I'll like, some I'll love and some I will probably hate. So here goes:

Imagine an undercover culture of people who keep themselves apart from humanity. They work off the grid not because they have to but because they want or need to live their lives unseen. Then imagine what would happen if one member of this sub-culture discovered others who shared his compulsion to watch the lives of others not out of any perversion but rather in a quest for a connection with a subconscious memory or feeling of happier times.

Most of us have had the opportunity to "people watch" at the mall, the beach, in school, even as we drive from one place to another. It is a harmless pastime that can help to pass a few minutes or hours of inactivity and keep boredom at bay. In T.L. Hines' novel, The Unseen, the harmless pastime is a way of life that the author's hero, Lucas.

Lucas is a young man raised to be separate. When he is not washing dishes to add money to his getaway stashes, Lucas spends his days and nights living in abandoned buildings, eating leftovers and forgotten lunches from office break rooms and watching strangers. His code of ethics is simple. He watches until he feels a connection with someone, some hint that the person is aware of him. Once a connection is felt, he creates a history, a present and sometimes a future for his subject. He doesn't interact and he never goes into their private homes to watch them behind closed doors. An orphan in more ways than one, a chance encounter changes the game and moves Lucas from life on the periphery to the types of connections he never imagined. And isn't really sure he wants. 

As the basis for a novel, the story of Lucas as he discovers  a group of people with a similar compulsion to watch, it would have been more than enough to create a compelling read. Unfortunately, T.L. Hines doesn't have enough confidence in his original premise and before the end of the novel has thrown in so many unbelievable coincidences and random plot twists as to leave me feeling as if I had read not one book but at least three and none of them very good.

The biggest problem with The Unseen is that T.L. Hines doesn't know what type of book he wants to write. After setting up a fairly intriguing character in the loner Lucas, Hines introduces Donavan as the conduit for Lucas to learn of the Creep Club. The club is a group of people driven like Lucas to watch the lives of others but unlike him they also need to record and share what they see. Within days of his first encounter with Donavan, Lucas has broken his cardinal rule and is watching people in their homes. Unfortunately what he sees is a couple planning a murder and unlike the rest of the Creep Club members, Lucas wants to get involved and save the intended victim. Again, the novel could have been saved at this point if Hines had followed this story thread to a somewhat logical conclusion. Unfortunately he decides to add a government conspiracy, genetic engineering, mind control and the kitchen sink to the story instead. The result...one great big muddled mess.

So there you have it my first review. Would I recommend this book? No...not unless you're someone who enjoys reading a story that really does have everything but the kitchen sink.

Why God Why?

Today I received a pass along email from my sister. It was from a friend of hers whose sister has been missing since 1985. The sister, a 15 year old, disappeared on the way home from school and hasn't been seen since. Twenty-three years! Since I'm really close to both my sisters and even close to my brothers, I can't imagine not knowing where one of them is for 23 years. I can't imagine or understand God allowing that kind of pain for that length of time. Where is the joy cometh in the morning? Where is HE?

Lisa, my sister's friend, must have asked the same questions but I can't speak for her so it's only a guess. As I watched her video, http://www.youtube.com/user/MissingMySister I couldn't help but wonder how we keep walking in faith when God seems so distant and the world just plain cruel. Anyone want to take a shot at that one?

I don't think asking "Why" of God is a bad thing. I don't think it means I am less of a Christian but there are many people who do. These are the people who will say, "God works in mysterious ways" and expect you not to cry. I will cry and rail against God even while I love Him. It's my right as a flawed but trying to be faithful child. I want Lisa to find her sister. I want her 23 years of uncertainty to be over. I want her to know that God hasn't forgotten her. But all I know of Lisa is that she wants to find her sister.

Holding On

I got knocked down again today. Just yesterday I was excited that God was finally going to answer my prayers about my career situation. Don't get me wrong...I have a good job and make a good salary but it's not what God promised and it's not what I really really want. I keep praying to get to the next level and I can't seem to get past the last one. Title-wise...I've taken a step back while salary-wise I'm ahead...strange conundrum. I should be happy right. I'm making more money than I ever have before but when I see the people who are my peers getting promotions and people telling me that titles don't matter...I just get so mad. Mad at myself and mad at God because I just don't get what He wants from me. What do I have to do? Am I asking the wrong questions? If God speaks and I'm listening why are things still the same? Right now, I'm holding on to my faith by the skin of my being. How long is too long to believe? I'm not Job...or Rachel or even Martha. I'm not aiming for Sainthood and I don't claim to want more than God wants me to want. He says that Abundance is mine but each time I turn the answer to my prayer seems to be "no". No to love...no to career...no to security...no to family. I'm so lost and yet I still believe. I wish I knew why? I wish I knew how to make things different. I've been on my knees, on my stomach and on my back. I've cried, held on, let go and let God. I've believed when I didn't know I could believe and more times than I can count I've felt like a fool but still believed. What does God want? How can I continue to expect and believe? Faith is the evidence of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...does faith mean foolish? I truly hope not.

Does God Care About Our Obedience

I don't get it. Yesterday I heard that the man I report to at work, indirectly since he is my director's boss, is leaving. Now this is a good thing because he is and has been an absolutely lousy boss. He is insensitive, self-involved, arbitrary and disengaged from the department. In almost two years in his role as VP, he does not have a single real accomplishment that he can point to that says he has moved our department forward and in the process he hurt a lot of people. Does this sound harsh? Probably but it's still the truth. So here's this guy who did less than nothing in his time as our SVP and what does God allow to happen? Does the truth get revealed and he gets canned? Does he get shown out the door with his tail between his legs? No...he gets a better job at another company with a bigger title and probably a bigger salary. Now this man is a Christian and I'm sure he loves his wife and children. He may be a great friend and a devout believer. But still he was a lousy boss and a drain professionally so why does God reward him in the areas where he seems to... no did cause so much pain? So maybe God rewards us not for our obedience in every area of our lives, maybe he doesn't care about how we're obedient, just that we are. Maybe He doesn't segment our behaviours and draws no distinction between our sins and our saintliness. If this is true then I can be a jerk to my employees and a blessing to my family and God will still reward me in one or the other at His will. What is the incentive to be good to everyone? What is the incentive to be and act true to what I profess I believe? What I do believe? His ways are not our ways. That's what the Bible says and it must be true because everything I think I understand about God changes when events like this one with the SVP occur. I want justice for injustice and God uses His own scale. He uses different weights and different measures so how can I judge. I don't understand the balance that He seeks.

Prayer

I started off this morning with a prayer for those I love. I'm sure that around the world, millions upon millions of other people did the same. Some of us prayed to Christ, some to Allah but regardless we united in prayer for those we love. Some of our prayers will be answered in the positive and those we love will come through today, safe, sound and secure. But for some of us, our love ones will not see the end of the day. They will die in war, in accidents, of old age or of sickness. Does this mean that God has abandoned us? Does it mean that He doesn't answer prayers because the answer isn't what we want? I don't know. I know there have been plenty of times when it seems that my prayers have gone unanswered. But still I pray...I call out to a God who sometimes seems indifferent to my pain, my sadness and my need. It doesn't make sense but still I pray and it comes down to faith.
Faith is believing without evidence and if we didn't call it religious faith, people would chalk it up to some type of mental illness. But I'm not trying to justify faith...it doesn't need to be justified by me and besides no one who doesn't want to believe can be made to. So if I call it faith and you call it luck the truth is that in some small or perhaps even big way we believe that something helps us get through life. Does my way work better than yours? For me, yes but for you probably no. That's the good thing about it...it only has to work for each of us. Gotta run...already late getting up for work.

Fear

I don't really talk about my fears. I don't think any of us really feels comfortable letting other people know what scares us. But how can you live in America today and not know about fear. I worry about my family and my friends. I watch the news and fear for the world. Big and little until sometimes I feel as if I am drowning in a paralysis defined by what scares me more so that what makes me happy and safe. But no more. I don't know how many more days I'll have on this planet and I don't want to have been silent because I was afraid to be loud.
I saw my name in a magazine today. Something I wrote, printed for all the world to see and I felt...good. I was giddy for a moment because here was something that would go on at least for a little while. But how do I keep it going? I'm not Britney, Madonna or Beyonce and truth be told I wouldn't want to be. I want to be heard...to be seen...to be known. But would I really want to have my every move chronicled, dissected and dismissed because it thrills the mean-spirited crowd to tear down yet another idol rather than deal with their own lives. No thanks. But do I want to be recognized for my work...whether creative or merely routine? Do I want to be rewarded for giving my best? You betcha. Don't you? What is it about the contradiction of fear that says what I want most is often what I am most afraid of getting? I wish I knew. One thing I do know is that I have decided to not let fear rule my actions any longer. I refuse to self-censure to the point of inaction. So if I've rambled on today...oh well...at least I said something.

She's back

After a nearly two year hiatus, I've decided to pick up my blog. Why? Probably because the world seems even more lacking in common sense now than it did then. So how do I impact that? How does yet another blog in a world full of blogs do anything other than add to the noise? I have no idea but at least it will be an outlet for me to speak about the things that are important without bending the ears of my family and friends with yet another political diatribe. They hear enough from me.

But I am writing about so much more than just politics...common sense or the lack thereof is all around us today. But for today I'm focused on politics and Common Sense.

Someone recently told me that "Common sense isn't common". Can we all just say amen! Look around and ask yourself the last time you saw someone in politics display real, genuine common sense. Someone who saw the problem and solved it without first worrying about their party, their re-election campaign, their poll numbers. Someone who said, let me do what's right for the country. Sometimes I wonder if anyone in politics even thinks about the country or the people anymore.

I can find plenty of examples of politicians without a lick of sense...just watch CNN, MSNBC or my personal favorite for "no sense at all" on full display at all times, FOXNews. But the observation isn't just limited to politicians...look at the reporters too. Diane Sawyer interviews new presidential candidate Fred Thompson and doesn't hit back when he doesn't answer a single question. Okay I'm rambling a bit but finding examples of common sense in the media are rarer than finding a truthful answer in the Bush Administration. I mean think about it...for most Americans the media is our voice of common sense. We expect them to ask the questions we can't ask because they are the ones with access. But aside from Keith Olbermann, who may just well be the savior of common sense in the newsroom and he's not even a journalist, I think that most reporters have checked their brains and their common sense at the door. Take for example, the coverage of the Alberto Gonzales mess. Here's a man who didn't have a law license, who no one had any confidence in but who still got confirmed as Attorney General. Here's a man who gave new meaning to hitting the glass ceiling of incompetence and still got to be the top Cop, confirmed by a Senate full of allegedly smart people. For almost two years, the media at large, the supposedly liberal media, gave this guy a pass as he ran roughshod over civil liberties and the Constitution. Now that he's been forced out of office, they are patting themselves on the back for getting on the story. Hello...you missed the story. Alberto was never the story...the lose of civil liberties, the expansion of presidential powers, the torture of prisoners, the desecration of the Constitution was the story. And they all missed it! And saddest of all...they still don't realize it and neither does the majority of America.

Didn't we already fight a war against King George?

Did you miss the coronation of the first American King? Evidently while we were sleeping George W Bush and his neo-con gang have decided that the presidency didn't offer enough power and have anointed George W. as King. What? You didn't know that the United States was a monarchy...neither did I. However all the signs are in place--disregard for the other legislative bodies, disregard for the will of the people and disregard for the law.
In the past few months, George W and his cronies have installed a monarchy in the place of our democracy and the people who were supposed to defend "our freedom", "we the people" have stood by in silence. Our legistlators have fallen into two camps: the loyal soldiers of Republicanism and the disconnected, distracted Democrats. As the people, we are concerned only with our individual slices of the pie, too distracted by dialogues on moral correctness to realize that the pie is gone and even the crumbs are being snatched away. And the "free press", is no longer free but bought and paid for by corporations and controlled by fear of losing a ratings point if they focus on something larger than the Runaway Bride.

I wonder what the founders of this country would say if they could see how easily we have relinquished the freedoms they fought for? What would they think of the new King George!

Would "Deep Throat's" story be printed by the Washington Post today?

In 1972, Woodward and Bernstein and their editors at the Washington Post, published the politically charged story of the Watergate break-in. Their efforts were heroic although the men behind it were probably motivated by the same instincts that motivate us all at one time or another; the quest for recognition, the quest for fortune, and the quest to do something memorable. If you have ever seen the movie version of their efforts, "All the President's Men", then you know a variation of what they went through to get the story and more importantly to get the story published. But as I've watched the media scramble around doing everything in its power to avoid asking politicians and powerbrokers the tough questions, I have to wonder if the story would have seen the light of day in today's political climate.
Let's set aside for a moment, the prospects of legal challenge and accountability for using unnamed sources to get a major news story. After all, see what happened to Dan Rather and CBS news for failing to double and triple check their sources who did allow themselves to be named. Rather let's examine whether or not, any mainstream news organization is willing to still put itself in the jeopardy by invoking the foundation of journalistic reporting.
At the heart of journalism, is a simple command:

• Be objective
• Ask a question
• Get an answer
• Dig deeper for a more thorough answer
• Report what you find for the enlightment of society.

It sounds rather simplistic and naive but given the failure of today's media to follow this simple construct it must be more difficult than we imagine at first glance.

Ask yourself; when was the last time that you truly felt you got the whole story from the evening news? When did you last feel that you had a complete understanding of a situation or issue where the reporter and the report was unbiased? Whether you're listening to Fox News or Air America, the reporters like Woodward and Bernstein have been replaced by pundits and talking heads whose only goal is to placate the public and to advance their point of view. By their point of view, I am not referring to the individual but rather to the corporation that supports the individual.

How sad that a country that purports to stand for "Freedom", particularly freedom of the press has instead allowed the press to be bought and sold and bought again not because we don't know any better but because we (the public) are willing to accept so much less.

Since this initial posting Mark Felt has come forward (30+ years after the fact) and his decision has focused new attention on the story. But unlike the original Deep Throat story, today's story is about who will profit--who will have the best-selling book--get the biggest advance, etc. Unfortunately, the "seek the truth" journalism that inspired the original story will not be a factor this time around. Today's media can't risk seeking the truth.

The dying dream of democracy

The Democratic process relies on three elements to succeed: its citizens, its elected officials and its media. On January 6, 2005 all three let Democracy down. In a few years, I believe Americans will look back on this date as the the day that Democracy was put on life support. 

For the millions of Americans who took time away from watching television and reading the big news about the President's new puppy, they will see it as the day that the democratic process was reviled by its own leadership, cast aside in favor of partisan posturing and ignored by the press. This date is the day we became a nation that "saw no evil, heard no evil but spoke only evil. "

January 6, 2005 the debate to uphold Americans' right to vote was belittled by Republicans and abandoned by Democrats. For a small majority of Americans, people like me, it will be this generations "aha" political moment. My earliest political memory is of the Watergate scandal and of the resignation Richard Nixon. The cynicism that gripped Americans led to an apathy among voters from which we have yet to recover. Less than 50% of our citizenry bother to vote and now that the Democrats have shown themselves all but unelectable I fear the numbers will grow even smaller...but will anyone care. 

While Hilary Clinton, John Kerry and Teddy Kennedy stood on the sidelines, only Senator Barbara Boxer had the strength of her convictions to stand up and ask "why". Why is it that the world's leading democracy cannot accurately and with confidence assure that the voting process is valid for all of its citizens. One Senator out of 44.

The media covered the story with no probative journalism in evidence and simply accepted the spin put out by the majority party, the Republicans. I have seen no editorial denouncement of the comments made by members of the House and Senate about their own constituents. Comments like "X-Files, conspiracy theorists, etc" designed to marginalize the very real concerns that many of their fellow citizens were in fact denied the right to vote on November 2, 2004. Even the simple act of putting an accurate face on the charges, if only to refute them, would have been better than their real and determined decision to ignore the story outright.

I cannot imagine what will happen over the next few years if we remain silent or if we speak out. It doesn't appear that anyone is listening!

Welcome

Hi There

I was sitting in my sunroom today contemplating God's purpose for my life and reading a book by Max Lucado. For more than a year I have been struggling with what does God want me to do with my life. I don't mean how do I handle the little things like work and relationships and getting older and well you know. I mean what does He want me to do!

The one thought that has been resonating with me this whole year is that God wants me to..."Help the world to see how big HE truly is". So in the next coming days, weeks, months and who knows perhaps years (or at least until I get tired of writing and/or He tells me to move on to something else) that is what I will endeavor to do with this blog. I don't know if anyone will ever read anything I post here, I'm not sure that I want them to, but I am trying to do what God has purposed me to do.

As a description I decided to describe this as an exercise in defining God which may sound ridiculous to some and arrogant to others. It may be both but time will tell. Let me just say that to me defining God will never mean settling on one and only one explanation of who or what God is. It doesn't mean arguing over pronouns. I truly don't believe that we will ever be able to define God. I do however think we can make headway in our understanding of Him by understanding more about ourselves by looking at the terms, descriptors, epithats and ways in which we acknowledge or choose not to acknowledge His presence. For my purposes and according to my beliefs I refer to God as Him. Just so we understand one another, I have no problem with you referring to God as the divine power, Her, etc. However, Christ was a man and if we start off arguing over semantics on that point, then the exercise is pointless.

I titled this space "Don't forget your common sense" because I believe that too often we talk about God and lose our ability to see Him. We want to make sure that people know what we think more than we want them to see what we believe. We want to beat faith and belief into others as if this were a war and they were the enemy. We want to yell and "be right" more than we want to share the spirit of Christ. We want to proclaim ourselves "Holy" more than we want to show ourselves "worthy". And don't get me wrong by "we", I'm not referring just to Christians, or Jews, or Muslims, I'm referring to all people of conviction. Whether its religious, personal or political conviction, we humans are notorious in our desire to "Be right".


Now a little background on me:

I am a Christian. I believe that Jesus died for my sins and He rose from the dead. I believe that we are covered by the blood of Jesus but that It the greatest sins are the ones we commit against one another because of our childish natures. I believe that little sins are the same as big ones in the eyes of God and that He makes no distinction between a sin of indifference and a sin of pride. I believe in the power of prayer and can give a testimony with the best of them. I believe that America and Americans are blessed but the blessing is not exclusive. I believe I am not a religious nut although I certainly believe that God chose me for this purpose (you may disagree). While I believe God speaks to me, to the best of my knowledge He is not telling me to do anything the least bit wacky. I have no intention of proclaiming myself the messiah, I don't claim to be the mother of the second coming, I can't fly and I don't know the future. I don't claim to be perfect and if I had all the answers I'd be too rich and too busy to start a blog of any kind.

To understand and enjoy this space you must understand or at least be open to the idea that
God is not a man that He should lie and He is not a concept that can be contained. Perhaps by putting down my own thoughts, I will gain greater awareness of the ways in which I limit God in my life and learn to take Him out of the box. My hope and desire with this exercise is that people will ultimately be challenged in their belief of God, that we will ultimately be forced to stop trying to get God to fit our construct but open our eyes to see that HE is without construct. There is nothing that we can conceive of that God cannot and does not exceed. So whether the subject is politics, gender, race, economics or alien life, I believe that we can find God in the discussion. I don't expect that we will all agree but I do expect we will at least listen.

Sorry for the rambling but I'm excited to get started and trying to contain far too much in a simple welcome.

Happy reading,

Tracy